I dream about you when i cant sleep.
I picture you and not the one im lying next to.

Flow Flow stupid words with stupid meanings.
I just need to type and read what i have written.
My screen is in the line of fire.
I want to be able to describe what i felt
Before it went bad and we changed.

You didnt care and i loved that about you.
I fought for your attention with everything i brought in
You shrugged me off and cared when i was around.
but out of sight out of mind is what kept me going.
You never said you loved me and i fought like hell for that.

Pushing me away.  I tried not to hold even harder.
You said the worst things i have ever heard and i finally broke.
Success at making me so burned and scarred.
I had everything and i would have left it for you.
So we stopped.  Whatever we were ended.

And then you realized, when i wasnt around, you missed me.
But it was too late.  You had pushed too hard.
Over the edge and i wasnt coming back the same person
I was changed and it was all because of you.

Perfection is a future that society screams in your ear.
Everyone doing everything the same
Getting married.
Having babies.
and a white picket fence.
That definition eludes me because its not anything i want.
A heart beat that slowly fades away.
Once so strong just dies out with the monotony.
Living through the ones around us.
Vicarious happiness is not happiness at all.

I want passion and fire
and i want my heart stolen
and wripped apart and stomped on
i want to feel alive even if it hurts
especially if it hurts.
i dont want the monotony or the consistency
Id trade the safety and security for the pain in a moment.
I want to feel my insides twist with the sound of your words.
You breaking my heart and putting it back together
Reinvent the word cruel and i will love you forever.
So stupid. So immature to love what you can't have.
But without the challenge we die faster
and i want to live.

Heartbeats and deep breaths.
Long looks and regrets.
My mouth forms words that my voice wont back up.
This is just me warming up
To say yes to you.
To do the things i want to do.
I breath and i beat.
Thats all i can accomplish when you look at me the way you do.
Lying in the chaos of this moment.
The erratic air of these thoughts.
A year ago, my future didnt look like this.
Behind us is what failed to be
ahead is what is possible.
Those arent regrets im thinking of
Just opportunities that grabbed me
and pulled me in your direction.
Random acts of distraction move our lives in such decisive ways.
A subtle air that drifts on and on.