Just leave me with the simple hope of what you are doing.
Its not enough to know you exist
i want to know where you go and who is talking to you
just to feel in some small way that i am still a part of your life

My life is never as good as when im with you
It hurts after a while and i cant make that ache go away
Every breath is painful and im completely aware of that air.

I feel so inconsistent when it comes to you
I tried to do the right thing for everyone
and thats lead to the wrong things for me.
I miss you every moment and i see your face in every lyric of every song.
So stupid.

Im fighting the meds Its what i wanted but not this fast i hear my heartbeat faster than it should be my eyelids droop to blacken my vision better to see nothing than to see you all the time in my mind, you kiss me on your own no hesitation, no regret no obligations, no commitments everyday to maybe is hard to accept if youre not gonna be here, i want to be where you go ill be strong and funny do what i can make everyone happy thats what youd want But for now ill down this liquid pill and dream dreams of drowing in what used to be engulfed by the past that i didnt embrace too late is too hard to grasp that appreciation wasnt mine to have my body freezes and aches along with my heart which causes which im not sure on that part im gonna sleep this off days at a time im gonna dream this off with you in my mind

Youre sittng there in that empty chair i can feel you trying not to look at me You dont know what i want and i know all too well. I resist the urge to be the first to break this distance that we've created. Ill be different this time I want to be able to promise you that But i just push my hair behind my ear and say something dumb about the tv To reach out to your hand would that break the truce we've created so heartily I know youre thinking it too Two hearts with the same mind. ....

There's something inside this body of mine. Its twists and turns and writhes and burns to be set free. Needing, it fills me but does not consume me unless i allow it. I struggle to keep it back. It will subside as soon as it is released so why waste the effort? Im not fond of hurting you It probably doesnt feel like that. So i hold this back for both of them. As selfish as i want to be. I think i might actually succeed this time.

You are so beautiful. I want to tell you all the time but im afraid it will just damage you. and i just want you to climb Be the person i know you can be and Do things well, my friend. Let it go and grasp your future. Do not allow your morals to descend. To their deepest darkest levels Youre better without even trying. So prove me right. Know it doesnt matter, sitting there sighing Know it doesnt matter whatever theyre buying Time to grow and let the old things go We're no longer children and that hurts but maybe we can make the rest of our lives as beautiful as the first parts. When you stand on your own two feet, im sure you'll see the whole world and more.

I dream about you when i cant sleep.
I picture you and not the one im lying next to.

Flow Flow stupid words with stupid meanings.
I just need to type and read what i have written.
My screen is in the line of fire.
I want to be able to describe what i felt
Before it went bad and we changed.

You didnt care and i loved that about you.
I fought for your attention with everything i brought in
You shrugged me off and cared when i was around.
but out of sight out of mind is what kept me going.
You never said you loved me and i fought like hell for that.

Pushing me away.  I tried not to hold even harder.
You said the worst things i have ever heard and i finally broke.
Success at making me so burned and scarred.
I had everything and i would have left it for you.
So we stopped.  Whatever we were ended.

And then you realized, when i wasnt around, you missed me.
But it was too late.  You had pushed too hard.
Over the edge and i wasnt coming back the same person
I was changed and it was all because of you.

Perfection is a future that society screams in your ear.
Everyone doing everything the same
Getting married.
Having babies.
and a white picket fence.
That definition eludes me because its not anything i want.
A heart beat that slowly fades away.
Once so strong just dies out with the monotony.
Living through the ones around us.
Vicarious happiness is not happiness at all.

I want passion and fire
and i want my heart stolen
and wripped apart and stomped on
i want to feel alive even if it hurts
especially if it hurts.
i dont want the monotony or the consistency
Id trade the safety and security for the pain in a moment.
I want to feel my insides twist with the sound of your words.
You breaking my heart and putting it back together
Reinvent the word cruel and i will love you forever.
So stupid. So immature to love what you can't have.
But without the challenge we die faster
and i want to live.

Heartbeats and deep breaths.
Long looks and regrets.
My mouth forms words that my voice wont back up.
This is just me warming up
To say yes to you.
To do the things i want to do.
I breath and i beat.
Thats all i can accomplish when you look at me the way you do.
Lying in the chaos of this moment.
The erratic air of these thoughts.
A year ago, my future didnt look like this.
Behind us is what failed to be
ahead is what is possible.
Those arent regrets im thinking of
Just opportunities that grabbed me
and pulled me in your direction.
Random acts of distraction move our lives in such decisive ways.
A subtle air that drifts on and on.